Light's Shadow
by Rhathymia
Summary: The brightest light also casts the darkest shadow. Sora has to learn this the hard way. [Anitform Centric, PoV rated for future violence]


Right… I read this awesome book, 'Doppelganger' by David Stahler Jr. and it got me in a philosophical mood, and then I mowed the lawn and by the time I finished I had this mapped out in my head. We have almost no grass in our lawn. It all died over the summer. And yet, I am still forced to go out there and mow almost bare dirt, save for patches of weeds. I do not comprehend my parent's reasoning on this. But never mind my lawn, read the story, review, and tell me that I've lost my insanity. Yeah… I'm strange when I'm in a philosophical mood. I blame the Benadryl.

Dang allergies…

There's a slightly darker look at Sora, though it mainly focuses on Antiform. And, yes, I know I should be updating my other stories rather than making new ones… oops…

……………………

I'm out there, fighting the Heartless, trying my best to save the worlds, like supposed to. But sometimes, I just want to give up. I know I can't because there are too many people counting on me! Riku, Kairi, Donald Goofy, the King, Leon and the others… And the people I've never met, the ones that live on far worlds, ones that haven't ever heard of the Heartless. They're counting on me too.

But sometimes, sometimes, I still want to give up.

……………………

I'm Sora.

And yet, I'm not.

And I'm sure as the sky not his Nobody. I feel.

I'm that darkness that breaks out, the one that goes bump in the night.

Or, is he a part of me?

Which was first? I don't know.

Maybe both, maybe neither.

Maybe it doesn't matter.

All I know is that I don't want him to die. Do you find that strange? I am darker than anything, for doesn't the brightest light cast the darkest shadow? I have the ultimate power, the Keyblade master's heart in my grasp, and yet, I do nothing to take it. That is, not much.

Occasionally, I step in for him; I pull him away from reality.

I give him my pleasure from darkness, let him think that there's nothing that can harm him. Then I slowly let the reality of things sink in, but not enough to break him. I protect him.

It does the boy good.

……………………

I'm fighting particularly hard-hitting baddies right now. Those centaur things… I forget what Jiminy calls them. I don't really get why he has to name them all anyway. Some of the names are just stupid, like the Boneheads, or whatever. But I don't tell him. It would hurt his heart, let some darkness creep in. We can't have that. Does the brightest light, me, really cast the darkest shadow? Why do I feel this need, this want, to cause pain, to spread darkness? It's there, just for a second, but it's there.

And it scares me.

……………………

I wonder, what, really, am I?

I'm not completely a Heartless, for I've got a heart. Sora's. But, I know I'm not human either. I know because I want to kill and cause pain and suffering, and no human wants that. Well, some do, but they are mostly Heartless anyway. Some just want to be left alone.

No Heartless wants that.

To be alone, deprived of any light they can devour, abandoned, wallowing in darkness. To see only other denizens of the dark, horrific in appearance. Those with hearts, whole beings, they really are quite beautiful. To us, them, the incomplete ones.

Maybe that's why the darkness so hates and fears the light?

Because the light, through and through, shines bright and beautiful.

I know; I was there when Sora saw Kingdom Hearts. I was still weak and deep within his heart, but I saw it, felt that Light, and I wanted it for myself.

The darkness looks inviting, it looks like it wants to wrap you in soft, comforting, arms, but it hides what it truly is. Like a repulsive, sickly child, it waits with no remorse to torture once you're in it's grasp, like ants under a magnifying glass.

I sigh and wrap arms around myself. In a way. Fake arms. Proverbial arms. I feel my arms, but I know they're not there, I know they're my imagination.

Maybe that's why I fought so hard to break out the first time.

……………………

I dodge to the left, trying to avoid a spear, but it catches my leg, painfully, and I end up flying through the air. I see Goofy cast a concerned look at me, but I wave him off. I can't show any weakness. I can't let them see how much I hate. I'm supposed to be wonderful, perfect, but… it's just so hard. And I'm tired right now. Very tired. The Heartless charges at me, glaring through its soft yellow eyes. I wonder, how can they show so much emotion? They are simply darkness. There is nothing to them, and yet, part of me is drawn towards them. I don't… I don't know why, and yet…

I don't know.

It just doesn't make sense.

I slash at the centaur's legs and roll out of the way as it crashes down. I can't let my guard down, or I'll end up experiencing being a Heartless for my self.

And this time, Kairi's not here to save me.

Something digs into my back, a Heartless' claw. I immediately reach into my heart for the power the fairies gave me. Before I can say the command that would merge our trinity together, I see another creature heading right towards me.

This time, I don't dodge it.

……………………

I'm watching the battle though Sora's eyes. He's getting too philosophical, letting his guard down everywhere. He's gonna get himself killed and then what would I do? I can't just pop out of him and say 'boo!' I guess I'll step in.

After all, if he dies, so do I. Maybe that's why I don't try to control his heart. Maybe some part of me knows that the light will win, no matter what, and if I'm fighting for the dark, then I'll disappear.

It doesn't matter.

……………………

I manage to gasp out "Power!" before I fell. I expected the usual warming, healing, light of my master form to take over, for me to become so infused with light that it would drive the darkness away.

Instead, it was the first time, the first time I felt… 'it'…

There's no name for it, except, it was everything I was, and everything I shouldn't be. I looked with wide eyes at Donald and Goofy. The pain from the attacks was vanished, and I could see darkness spreading out from my heart.

'_**Don't fight me. I'm trying to help.**'_ The voice reminds me, reminds me…

But I don't know of what.

But, for some reason, I don't fight, even though my brain is screaming at me to. I hear Donald squawk and Goofy yells something like "It's like before!" before I feel myself slide into the backseat of my body. I can still see everything, but I just can't move. I struggle, but the voice comes again.

'_**Don't worry. I won't let you get hurt. You're mine to protect. Relax.'**_

……………………

I finally push him down, surprisingly easily. I was ready for more of a fight. No matter. I look around through his eyes, peer at his companions, glad to be able to move around. I have proverbial cramps.

It's nice to really have a body. I stretch and flex my hands, claws long and sharp and glistening. I gently run a hand through my hair, savoring the sensations. I may not be in control for long.

I glare at the surrounding Heartless, silently commanding them to back away. They do so and freeze. They aren't sure what to make of me. I had just been the most luscious meal they would never taste, and now I was like them, except for one thing.

I am intelligent.

They can't touch my Sora. He and his heart belong to me.

I looked back towards his friends, my bright yellow eyes curious. I know they're yellow, I can see them forming the words. "Yellow eyes…" I step towards them, and Sora's voice filters through, quiet and wavery.

'_Don't hurt them… they're my friends!'_

I laugh to myself; that he should be so caring! But I refuse to hurt Sora by hurting his friends, however much I long to taste their hearts. So I smile and turn my attention towards the Heartless.

In the blink of an eye, I've lunged forward and have one of the lesser ones by the throat.

I hiss out "He belongs to me!" and I throw it. Before it reaches the ground, I've swung around and have stabbed it through with some wickedly sharp claws. It makes a pitiful sound and disappears.

Weak…

I crouch low and wait for the centaur to rush me, a stupid and predictable move. I jump lightly onto its spear and rip its head off with a single slash.

Weak!

I dispatch the others in a flurry of kicks and scratches before settling onto my haunches, licking the Heartless blood off my claws till they're immaculate. It's not as satisfying as the other's blood would be, but it will do for now.

I feel Sora struggling again, trying to regain control. I hold him back for a moment and turn to his companions.

"You would do well to protect him better." My voice is a raspy hiss, unlike Sora's. They gape. "If you fail, you _will_ pay the price." They are unnerved by my command, I can tell. I hear Sora crying in the back of my mind.

……………………

It's going to kill them! Oh, God, no! I can't let him!

Don't hurt them… they're my friends!

I know I sound weak, especially when I compare myself with him! He's killed off the Heartless, and now, now, there's nothing… nothing…

He tells them to protect me better, he says that I belong to him…

What is he?

I'm crying in this non existent place, and I can't help it even though there aren't really tears coming down my cheeks, even though the sobs that wrack my body don't actually have a body to wrack, I feel them.

I flail my fists against him, trying, hoping that he will secede.

To my surprise, he does.

I slowly open my eyes, only to find Donald and Goofy staring at me. They try not to look worried. I know they are.

I give a shaky smile.

When we make camp that night, I give a stupid excuse and run off.

……………………

He runs off, I watch through his eyes.

Poor thing. Almost makes me feel bad.

But not quite.

Rather, it makes me… pleased, that he thinks he has to run off and hide.

I glance back to where he is. He's looking in a river, peering at his face trying to find any trace of darkness. His big blue eyes are wide and scared.

If he wants to see me so badly, I'll let him.

I pull him into the nothingness I live in and push forward. In the river, his gorgeous eyes darken and yellow out, pupiless. His clothes turn inky black and his blackened spikes of hair seem to droop. I grin at our reflection, showing off sharp white fangs.

He screams so loudly and so hoarsely that if he were in control of our body his throat would bleed.

"_NO! NONONONO! NOOOOO!"_

I speak with his voice, knowing he'll hear it. "I'm you Sora, your protector. Deal with it. " He screams louder at the rasping sound.

I grin at a job well done and pull him back into consciousness.

……………………

He lets me go after his show of power.

I turn back to normal, once again a spiky brown haired kid with too big, scared, blue eyes.

Then I cry so much it hurts. And then I shed more tears more because it hurts.

Then, I sob because the darkest thing I've ever encountered is living inside of my heart.

……………………

I let myself slip again into nothingness.

But I don't worry. I'll be back.


End file.
